S72 | mental link

[sistershoggoth]

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

TELEPATHY PERMISSIONS

Annie is a lot of things. She is not entirely just a human, her consciousness is also the consciousness of an alien planet: where she is life and death, growth and decay, all of nature and the ocean and all of the things that survive in those places. She's every rock down to its individual atoms. A casual observer is unlikely to get that far in their understanding of her, but those who get closest to her and end up sharing dreams with her will have a chance to understand this granularity of her other-ness. At a further distance, the inside of Annie feels very expansive, a large and lightless space which observes. There is always a sense like she is getting closer to you, a subtle invasion of privacy, space, autonomy. She doesn't do this on purpose, it's just what's in her. There's definitely a sense that she could swallow or drown you, in herself. The big black emptiness she feels inside is rarely in line with what she's presenting externally, it's very dissonant. It's worse when she's actively analyzing you. Better when she's totally dismissive of your existence. This is what lurks in the depths of Annie, but her human side is there. Her humanity is strained by the enormity of what she is secondarily aware of. She's not entirely sane, nor stable. Her mind is extremely active, and her imagination particularly vivid. She comes with a great deal of noise and color, which is a total smokescreen for keeping the more otherworldly aspects of herself in the periphery. This only kind of works, her other nature tends to expose itself regardless and her mental voice is not merely one voice, but all those voices coming together, which gives them a warbling, underwater like quality. She's a recovering, and often relapsed, addict and alcoholic. She is always trying not to feel something, and always wishing to not really be herself. The noise and color also tries to cover up this, she is always trying to ignore her own strain: pain, anxiety, sorrow. When she is drinking, much of the sensory onslaught of her is muted, a way of clouding herself: a murky swamp that she wallows in. When she is using... everything is amplified and she is particularly sprawling and out of control.

Comments

(frozen comment) cw: mention o'suicide

[sistershoggoth]

[ She rolls onto her back, happily stuffing the last of that candy into her face. She does not care about talking with her mouth full, her answers starts out a bit muffled. ]

Sparrows. Dressed up like a human, but I don't know, she was freaky. Stared at you like a crazy person, smiled like a crazy person, always made these weird flappy motions with her hands. She started the Academy, raised like the first few rounds of bitches herself. There was like... this one group, stepford bitches just all fuckin' immaculately beautiful and these fuckin' cold smiles...

[ The faces filter in. Sparrows: unnaturally pale with bright red hair, intense eyes, toothy white grin. The stepford bitches: perfect silky hair, perfect red lips, conservative dresses, an air of threat, authority. ]

We were supposed to be like them. Fuckin' beautiful and perfect, at everything. Sparrows didn't take second best for anything. Fuck up too much and they'd take care of you. Or you'd take care of yourself, she didn't give a shit which way it went. Anyone who killed themselves was just too weak. You either believed that or you died.

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

[The faces flashing before him are eerie and strange. Surreal, uncanny valley kind of strange. They make him frown, but he lets her finish speaking before dumping even more questions on her.]

So raising a personal army for the sake of taking over the world? Guess aliens can't mind their own business. [He can't imagine what it would have been like to live in that kind of environment, and fittingly, his mind recalls words he had spoken just minutes earlier. It could always be worse. Annie definitely had it worse.] Why only females? Were there no men?

(frozen comment) cw: people farming 8')

[sistershoggoth]

There were guys. She just didn't want them. We can breed.

[ A shudder. Things had started to get to that stage, before Daylight had come. One of the stepford bitches had been the first. The last time Annie saw Fallon Pinset she was a shell of herself, shackled to that half-breed daughter of hers, and the cult that worshipped her... ]

(frozen comment) annie is a walking cw

[somnifacient]

[Noctis furrows a brow, his surprise clearly visible. He leans back, palms pressing into the mattress, looking expectantly at Annie for an explanation.]

What? How?

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

Ugh.

[ She throws an arm over her face. ]

Look-- Let's-- Just not talk about alien insemination. I thought you didn't want to talk about sex? Can we talk about my shower scene instead if we're gonna talk about this?

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

[...oh.

Now Noctis looks equal parts horrified and embarrassed, and tries to distract from this by rubbing at the back of his neck.]

No, listen, I don't want to talk about that at all, okay? [He says as he talks about it regardless, dropping his hand.] I mean, why Nyx anyway? Was he hitting on you or something?

[He doesn't know Nyx's personality well enough to guess at that, even if he is a broodmate and a Glaive.]

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

[ Was he-- Hitting on her? Ah... ahah. Annie starts laughing. She slaps him on the back, friendly but condescending. ]

Look, Noct. I've been sleeping around since before I shoulda been. It takes my mind off things. It short circuits my stupid fucked up universe brain and I don't have to feel anything for a little bit. That's what I do, I try not to feel shit. He was down to not feel some shit for a little bit too. He's not gonna be bringing me fuckin' flowers later. It's just sex.

[ She could see having this conversation with the girls, she's maybe surprised to be having it with him. Not that she minds, and just for good measure, she adds: ]

And don't blame his dumb ass, I was on that from the minute I saw it.

[ Not literally the first minute. More like when he'd told her: Sometimes I'm good at talking and looking pretty. ]

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

[He jostles forward with the slap on his back, huffing out a noise of indignation. He mostly hears condescension, which only makes it appear like she's illuminating his naiveté. (Probably because she is.)]

I guess. [To the "it's just sex" bit. Noctis understands what she's getting at, but he grew up living a sheltered life, and the idea of casually sleeping around with no strings attached is so far beyond something he'd ever consider. It's a foreign notion, something that other people did, not him.]

But to swing back around to my original point... you're going to have to work on the whole "mental barrier" thing if this is a habit of yours.

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

It's hard and I suck at it.

[ He had bitched about jogging, she's bitching about trying to control her ridiculous sprawling monster brain. ]

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

[He might have bitched about jogging, but one way or another, Noctis would still commit to it. He'll just whine the whole time.]

Lame excuse. That's what practice is for, isn't it?

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

Okay, so like. I know I got up Murphy's ass about like. The exact same thing, so I say this with full fuckin' awareness of my own hypocrisy.

[ A sigh, eyes closing. ]

I just want to leave shit alone sometimes. Like, I just want to be an old dog that doesn't have to learn any more tricks. I feel like a whole fuckin' circus sometimes as it is.

And sometimes, I get all wound up and I think fuck it, I can do fucking anything--

[ And then she ends up wild, spiraling out of bounds, loud and creepy-crawly. She's not trying to make excuses, she's trying to articulate an emotion that makes her shy from trying to reinvent herself all over again... What does a Annie in control look like. ]

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

[It isn't difficult for Noctis to understand when all he has to do is peer into her mind and try to feel what she means. It's the equivalent of him reaching out to touch the surface of a vast ocean, and slowly retracting his hand when he's satisfied.

It's one or the other, no in-between. Too tired, too empty and jaded... or too much, bursting at the seams with the strain.

He leans back properly this time on his elbows, which gently bump up against her legs. He eyes find a nondescript point on the wall to focus on.]

So we find a balance. I know it's easier said than done, and even I don't really know where to start, but-- [An exhale.] Well, I'd be willing to help you. I need to practice too, sometimes just being on the station is too overwhelming. Even when there's no one around.

And... I think I'd help you, in the end. Some small sense of control to latch onto is a reassuring feeling, so why not try?

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

Or I could keep getting sloshy with Nyx.

[ She lunges before he can huff again, sitting upright to wrap her arms around him from behind, grinning like a little goblin in his peripheral vision. ]

But, no, for serious. I couldn't hear anybody else, for a little bit, maybe I can figure it out.

[ Or maybe she'd just get more and more entangled to her brood, her anchors, unable to ever really disengage from them, but able to block out everyone else. That fuckin' sounded like her, going whole hog in one particular direction rather than really learning the skill the way she was supposed to. Goddamn brain bug. ]

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

[He makes a noise of protest when she grabs him from behind, trying to straighten. Beyond that half-hearted attempt, Noctis does little more than that, and resigns himself to her clinging soon afterwards.]

That sounds like a step in the right direction. [Too bad Noctis doesn't see the danger in it. He only focuses on ways that will immediately help, and his own experience with the Nest is too limited to know of what other consequences there may be, further down the line. Right now, as long as Annie can find a nice even ground with her mind, what does it matter if she has to rely on her broodmates to do it?]

But when I said I'd help you practice, I don't mean like that.

[A joke.]

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

[ She smiles into his hair. Nah, she likes him entirely too much to want to treat him like a fuckboy. ]

You're probably safe from my weird alien STDs.

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

"Probably". That's reassuring.

[His lips quirk upward, though, even as he turns his head a little to look at her.]

How's your goopy chest doing?

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

Ugh!

[ Wowow why would you remind her of that. ]

Goopy. Two different elves tried to work their stupid magic on me, and then Bells was like 'go sleep in the creepy pod' and I did that too, but it's still fuckin' green.

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

[Because he's still a little concerned about it! And also curious.]

That's... weird. And it still doesn't hurt or anything?

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

Doesn't hurt. I don't think it can, I don't think there are nerves there.

[ Didn't make a lot of sense for the completely seared edges of the once upon a portal, now just raised scar tissue, to have nerves... Then again, it didn't make sense for it to be dripping jello either. ]

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

[While he's glad it doesn't hurt her, Noctis can't imagine that dripping green goo is anything but inconvenient.]

You should speak to Prince or Cathaway about it. Maybe they've seen something like this happen to another host in the past.

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

Can we go back to talking about your awkward high school years?

[ Because she hasn't met Prince yet and thinks Cathaway is a creep. ]

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

It's a valid suggestion.

[Noctis thinks both of them are fine, really.]

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

Tch.

[ She knew that trick was only going to work for so long, but goddamn. ]

I don't like that bitch, she's just fuckin' Diet Sparrows anyway. Fuckin' asked her why the hell they keep dumping completely untrained hosts into missions. Apparently she can't be assed with who lives and who fucking dies, and he clearly can't either.

(frozen comment)

[somnifacient]

[He's quiet for a moment before responding. He's remembering his experiences with Cathaway and Prince; brief conversations with the both of them, not nearly enough to tell if he can truly be comfortable with either.

But they weren't terrible experiences, and he was provided with enough of an impression to paint who they were in very broad strokes.]

Sparrows tried to take over the world, right? Cathaway just seems to be working with what she's been given. I don't think there's anything malicious about her.

(frozen comment)

[sistershoggoth]

Seems. You think that mind-melding bitch has to show you anything that resembles the truth?

[ A pinch appears between her brows, staring at Noctis intensely. ]